I’m a connoisseur of memoirs. In the past seven years, I might have read three books that weren’t part of the memoir genre. Not only do I devour memoirs, I also have written my own, and I coach memoir writers on turning their memories into manuscripts.
By dissecting
memoirs from both the reader’s and writer’s perspectives, I’ve identified
common elements that powerful, compelling memoirs all share. If you’re planning to write a memoir, here’s how to make sure
your story takes your readers on a journey they won’t forget.
1. Narrow your focus
Your
memoir should be written as if the entire book is a snapshot of one theme of
your life. Or consider it a pie, where your life represents the whole pie, and
you are writing a book about a teeny-tiny sliver.
Your
memoir is not an autobiography. The difference is
that an autobiography spans your entire life, and a memoir focuses on one
particular moment or series of moments around a theme. You want your readers to
walk away knowing you, and that one experience, on a much deeper level.
Perhaps
you are familiar with Angela’s
Ashes by Frank McCourt. This memoir focuses on Frank’s life
as a first-generation immigrant child in Brooklyn. Angela is his mother, and
much of the storyline focuses on her and how Frank saw her, as well as the role
she played in trying to hold the entire family together.
2. Include more than just your story
I know I just
instructed you to narrow down your focus, but we need to think bigger in our
writing pursuits.
For
example, if Hillary Clinton wrote a memoir about raising a child in the White
House, she would be pulling in tidbits about how she handled the media, who she
let visit her daughter during sleepovers, and how she navigated the politics of
parenting during her time in the White House.
Likewise,
if Madonna was writing a memoir about reinventing herself after 20 years away
from the public spotlight, she most likely would include what it felt like to
return to the music scene and how she continued to travel and perform while
raising her children.
How
does this apply to you? Imagine you are writing a memoir about
your three-week trek through the Himalayan Mountains. While the focus is on
your trip, as well as what you learned about yourself along the way, it would
be wise to include other details as well.
You could
describe the geography and history of the area, share interesting snippets
about the people and donkeys you interacted with, and discuss your exploration
of life-and-death questions as you progressed along your arduous journey.
Your
readers want to know about you, but it’s the
backstory and vivid details that make for a powerful memoir.
3. Tell the truth
One of
the best ways to write a powerful memoir is to be honest and genuine. This is
often tricky, because we don’t want to hurt or upset the people (our family and
friends!) we’ve written into our books. But it’s important that you tell the
truth — even if it makes your journey as an author more difficult.
When I
wrote my memoir, Breaking the Silence: My Final Forty Days as a Public School
Teacher, I knew I had a major
dilemma: If I opted to tell the whole truth, I would pretty much ensure I would
never get a job with New York City Public Schools again.
But I
also knew teachers, parents and administrators needed to hear why great
teachers are leaving education in droves and why the current educational system
is not doing what’s right for our nation’s kids. I wrote my book with brutal
honesty, and it has paid off with my readers — and is bringing national
attention to what is happening behind closed school doors.
One more
note on honesty: Memoirs explore the concept of truth as seen
through your eyes. Don’t write in a snarky manner or with a
bitter tone. The motivation for writing a memoir shouldn’t be to exact revenge
or whine or seek forgiveness; it should simply be to share your experience.
Don’t
exaggerate or bend the truth in your memoir. Your story, the unique one that
you hold and cherish, is enough. There is no need to fabricate or embellish.
4. Put your readers in your shoes
Powerful
writers show, not tell. And for a memoir writer, this is essential to your
success, because you must invite your reader into your perspective so she can
draw her own conclusions.
The best
way to do this is to unfold the story before your reader’s eyes by using vivid language
that helps him visualize each scene.
Perhaps
you want to explain that your aunt was a “raging alcoholic.” If you say this
directly, your description will likely come across as judgmental and critical.
Instead, paint a picture for your audience so they come to this conclusion on
their own. You might write something like this:
“Vodka
bottles littered her bedroom, and I had learned, the hard way, not to knock on
her door until well after noon. Most days she didn’t emerge into our living
quarters until closer to sunset, and I would read her facial expression to
gauge whether or not I should inquire about money — just so I could eat one
meal before bedtime.”
5. Employ elements of fiction to bring your
story to life
I like to
think of the people in memoirs as characters. A great memoir pulls you
into their lives: what they struggle with, what they are successful at and what
they wonder about.
Many of
the best memoir writers focus on a few key characteristics of their characters, allowing the
reader to get to know each one in depth. Your readers must be able to love your
characters or hate them, and you can’t do that by providing too much detail.
Introduce
intriguing setting details and develop a captivating plot from your story. Show
your readers the locations you describe and evoke emotions within them. They
need to experience your story, almost as if is was their own.
Don’t aim to knock your readers’ socks off. Knock off their pants, shirt, shoes and underwear too! Leave your readers with their mouths open in awe, or laughing hysterically, or crying tears of sympathy and sadness — or all three.
Take them on an emotional journey which will provoke them to read the next chapter, wonder about you well after they finish the last page, and tell their friends and colleagues about your book. The best way to evoke these feelings in your readers is to connect your emotions, as the protagonist, with pivotal events happening throughout your narrative arc.
Most of us are familiar with the narrative arc. In school, our teachers used to draw a “mountain” and once we reached the precipice, we were to fill in the climatic point of the book or story. Your memoir is no different: You need to create enough tension to shape your overall story, as well as each individual chapter, with that narrative arc.
That moment when you realized your husband had an affair? Don’t just say you were sad, angry or devastated. Instead, you might say something like:
“I learned of my husband’s affair when the February bank statements arrived and I realized that in one month’s time, he had purchased a ring and two massages at a high-end spa.
Those
gifts weren’t mine. He was using our money to woo another lady and build a new
life. I curled up in a ball and wept for three hours — I had been demoted to
the other woman.”
Will you write a memoir?
When you
follow these guidelines while writing your memoir, you will captivate your
audience and leave them begging for more. But more importantly, you will share
your own authentic story with the world.
Have
you written or are you planning to write a memoir?
